things you only say if you're a parent...

  So for a while now I've been compiling an ongoing list in my head of things that myself or Graham has said that if not for being a parent really wouldn't be said otherwise. When you have barbarians running around in your house it's not uncommon to find yourself explaining the most simplest of things or asking this young person questions that seem completely ridiculous. This is in fact why I call my children barbarians. They can't feed themselves, bathe themselves, speak (clear) english, they resort to violence and thievery when they feel it's necessary ("you take my toy, I push you down") and so forth and so on....So you can imagine that situations arise throughout the day that need explaining or questioning. Here are some of my favorites, only naming a few:
  "Chapstick doesn't go IN your mouth...it goes ON it."
  "Don't drink the bath water, your brother just peed in it."
  "We don't play in or around the trash."
  "Please don't sit on or stand on or in any way squash your brother."
  "Just because he put his finger in your mouth doesn't mean you HAVE to bite it."
Also I find it amusing that we have to differentiate our Thomas the trains now that we have multiple ones...there's huge Thomas, big Thomas, Quinny's Thomas and my favorite...poop Thomas. Yup, you heard that right. We have a Thomas strictly as a reward for pooping.
   We've been somewhat potty training Linc since his second birthday. Peeing in the potty was no problem for him, but pooping in the potty is an entirely different story. I don't know when or how, but he somehow associated pooping in the potty with pain, so for the longest time he would just hold it until nap or night time and just wait to be changed until after. For months we have had a Thomas the Train (the real one: wood and metal, the right colors in the right places, the right size, etc.) sitting up high in the bathroom just waiting to be collected when Lincoln went poop on the potty. Just this past week I'm not exactly sure what clicked, but all of a sudden he tells me he has to poop. So of course, I bring him to the potty and voila! he's done it! We jump and clap and rejoice! We immediately give him Thomas as well as m&m's and two tokens on his chart for doing so well. (We have a chart to encourage him to share, stay in his bed, clean up, etc...do all things less barbarically if you will) He's ecstatic! So we tell him (just like we've said a million times before) the only way to KEEP poop Thomas is to KEEP going poop in the potty. If you poop in your pants again, we will have to take poop Thomas away.
   So after the rejoicing we are all sitting around in the living room and I'm watching Lincoln very intently. It's almost as if I can see the little wheels turning in his head and I can't wait to hear what he's come up with. So I sit and wait patiently until he looks up at me and asks, "Lincoln poop potty?" To which I reply, "Yes, Lincoln pooped in the potty! Great job!" Then he asks, "Lincoln poop on couch?" To which I reply, "No, Lincoln shouldn't poop on the couch. Poop only in the potty." And he proceeds to ask me about every object in the room...the lamp, the table, the floor, the wall...then he gets this smirk on his face and asks, "Lincoln, poop on Daddy?" And of course, Graham and I bust out laughing...I mean come on, to explain that one is pretty hilarious...so I say, "No, Lincoln should definitely NOT poop on Daddy!"
   I think it started out him actually wondering if the poop needs to always be in the potty or just not poop in his pants. But once he figured it out I loved that he played a joke on us! Needless to say....I never thought I would have to explain to someone. "No, you shouldn't poop on your father."

Ahhh....the joys of parenthood. And I apologize for all the "poop" talk for all the non-parents out there...this just so happens to be my reality right now. :)