Oh, the places you'll go!

There were many reasons that the hubs and I decided to start our family while we were still very young...

a few of them being:

1. We got married young, so we felt we had had an adequate amount of time together just the two of us.

2. I liked the idea of being a "young mom".

3. The sooner you start the sooner they're gone. ;)

An "empty nest" in my forties was much more appealing than an 

"empty nest" in my fifties. 

*I put empty nest in quotes knowing that at least one of my children will stick around for a while, or come back to live with us at some point. PLUS, it's not like we ever stop parenting right? 

We just get to have a little more freedom once they're older :)

4. My kids will get to enjoy their grandparents for much longer. Also, if for some reason we need a grandparent to live with us or they need more personal care as they get older, we will have the space and time to do that for them since our children will be older as well. 

But, one of the biggest reasons I wanted to have my family sooner rather than later was for travel.

You see, when it comes to traveling I'm kind of a...snob.

My parents have been very blessed and I was raised taking awesome vacations and staying in amazing hotels and basically spoiled 
(in a good way!) 
when it comes to traveling. 

Now don't get me wrong, my parents didn't raise me to be a bratty girl who only likes the finer things in life. I buy second hand stuff for my kids, I love thrift shopping for my own clothes, and amazon is my best friend. But the one thing I've had a hard time letting go of, is the fancy travel perks.

So needless to say, traveling across Europe with practically no money and staying in hostels or cheap motels just didn't appeal to me in my twenties. But, traveling the world and staying in nice hotels with my husband who I love very much, in my forties? 

Now that sounds nice!

Trip to Italy? Ok let's buy a few cases of the best wine.

Ireland? Let's hit every single pub and drink the best beer.

Iceland? Greece? Austrailia? 

You name it, we can do it. 

And we'll preferably do it comfortably! :)

Now you may be judging me at this point, but to be honest...

I don't care. To each their own right?

Even though these amazing trips aren't going to happen for years I still dream about it.

I have a pinterest board named "oh, the places you'll go" with all sorts of breathtaking images pinned. 

Here is just a sampling of the beautiful places I'd love to visit:

Ireland

Bridges Park

 

Cliffs of Moher

Downtown Dublin

The Oldest Pub in Dublin

Greece

Santorini, Greece

Papafragas, Milos, Greece

Blue Beaches, Zakynthos Island

You can also check out the 100 most beautiful images of Greece here. 

Italy

Hillside Positano, Italy

China

I have actually been to China before, but didn't get to see too much.

Plus, I would love to go back with the hubs to re-experience it.

The Bridge of Immortals

Heaven's Stairs

I would also love to go to New Zealand, Austrailia, Bora Bora, Austria, Iceland, Fiji...

the list goes on and on!

Hopefully, we'll be able to go on some trips with our kids when they are older as well.
I'm sure they'd love to travel with us too, 
but I try not to get my hopes up too high...
accommodations for six is a bit more costly than two :)

Where have you traveled that you loved?

What's your dream trip?

I love looking at the travel section on pinterest...

it's just all so beautiful!

We'll get there one day...

xoxo,

Heather 

My thoughts on potty training...

Hi, my name is Heather...

and I am a failure at potty training.

I recently went through my third (techinally fourth) go 'round of potty training. And it didn't go well.

When it comes to potty training 

I feel like I have tried everything.

I've tried the 3 day method, 

the 1 day method,

the "waiting 'til their ready" thought process,

the "when they show interest run with it" ideaology,

and the "put 'em in pull-ups and hope they get it" trick.

None of these have worked.

I feel like there's all this pressure these days to have your baby potty trained by (or before) their second birthday and millions upon bajillions of mommy blogs that tell you how they had little Suzy potty trained before she could even say the word "pee pee".

So of course, with all three of my children I did my best to have them potty trained at two.

Whether it was because I was tired of buying diapers,

or they kept getting bad rashes so I thought, "heck, just take away the diapers and you get no more rash, right?!"

or even when they show all the signs for being ready for potty training, it still. doesn't. work.

I've come to a couple of conclusions about this 

recently that I thought I'd share. 

So if you are a potty trainer failure like myself,

or you're wondering if it's the right time to start 

here are my two pitiful cents:

1. I am a chill mom. I don't really make my kids do anything.

Yeah, when the playroom is out of control, I get them to clean it up, and they clean up after themselves at mealtime, but I don't force chores upon them. I don't make them share (most of the time they are just willing to), I don't really enforce any certain activities or behavior.

(sidenote: more on this style of parenting to come)

So how does forcing them to go potty make any sense? 

Honestly, I think it straight up confuses them.

We try to run our house in a manner where everyone, including the kids, have a voice.

So when the timer goes off, and we run to the potty, I have a hard time making them sit there.

Yeah, yeah I try to sing songs and all that, but seriously, if you were watching your favorite show, or reading an enthralling book and some timer went off out of no where and someone forced you to leave what you were doing and go sit in a corner somewhere and sing about a bus with wheels that go 'round and 'round...you'd be pissed too right?

Especially if this was a new thing.

Like normally you get to do whatever you want (within reason) and nobody messes with you and then all of a sudden this happens. Yeah, this makes no sense to me, so why am I making my kids do it?

Another aspect of potty training I struggle with is water.

I'm a water drinker.

Especially at night.

I find it extremely cruel to tell them they can't have water at night. 

I get thirsty, are they not allowed to get thirsty?

I think a good nights sleep with a pull-up on is way more helpful than a kid who gets up four times a night but keeps their pants dry.

Train playing is serious stuff...why stop to go potty?!

2. So I have a tendency to talk to my kids like human beings.

Even when they are babies and toddlers.

And I don't care who you are...you could be the worlds most amazing teacher/mother/witch/sorcerer in all the land and sometimes there are kids who don't talk or communicate well before the age of three.

Yeah, they say words and stuff, but they kinda don't have the ability to give you major trains of thought.

So when my 2 year old hears the timer for potty go off and she just starts running away, screaming, "no thank you! no thank you!" I can't really fault her on that.

What's she gonna say, 

"Mom, I'd rather not stop what I'm doing for a potty break, and I don't understand what these "treats" are because I haven't effectively gone in the potty yet so I don't really think it's worth it to me."

No. She's not going to say that.

Heck, I don't even know if that's what the screaming and running away even means.

So to me, it just makes sense to wait 'til they can effectively tell you what they want, or why they don't want to do what you are asking of them.

"I really like these pretzels and juice mom, 

but I don't know what you want from me."

When I potty trained Quinn for the second time, he was 3.

It wasn't easy by any means, but he definitely understood it better and could tell me his thoughts.

And it still took him 6 more months 

to stop pooping his pants.

3. In the grand scheme of things, I don't really think potty trained kids are that much easier than diapered ones.

Maybe it's just me, and maybe I'm crazy, but when you're in my situation it's really not more convenient. I mean, I've got 3 kids less than three years apart with one on the way.

I'm not getting away from diapers any time soon. 

So whether I have to stop what I'm doing to change a diaper, or wipe a butt on the potty is really no different to me.

---

So by now you probably think I'm crazy, 

but this is just how I see it.

Or at least, this is how my family operates.

I have a 2 year old in diapers.

A 3 year old in pull-ups at nap and night time.

And a 5 year old in pull-ups at night time.

I'm not forcing them to change any time soon. 

And I'm ok with it.

I'm just keepin' it real. 

I think all the moms out there that can get their kids to go in the potty day and night by age 2 are wonderful.

It ain't for me, and I'm good with that!

What's it like at your house?

Have your kids happily potty trained or put up a fight?

Do you think it's worth it or do you wait?

Remember ladies, it's a judgement free zone ;)

Part two of a very long saga.

Last we left off, I had just had major surgery and was slowly recovering...

Now I don't know about you, but for me, when the
 "I'm pregnant" switch goes off in my brain...

it's very hard to turn off.

So all of August, September, and October were constant thoughts of getting pregnant again.
Yes, I know how ridiculous that sounds.

I  was actually at peace with what had happened with the miscarriage and knew that between the car accident and IUD, and all that jazz, 
it was just a fluke. Right?

I mean I wasn't happy about it by any means,

but I also didn't feel like it was going to happen again. 

I thought it was a one time deal.

I mean come on...guys...this is me we're talking about here.

I always get pregnant.

And stay pregnant.

And have millions of babies.

(millions being relative obvi.)

So, when the begininning of November came around and I had those symptoms I know all too well,

I was SUPER excited. 

Now even though I was confident about this, one of the worst parts of miscarriage is having to tell people you are, in fact, not pregnant anymore.

Reliving it just isn't fun. As I'm sure you can imagine.

So, I decided to tell a few people and wait as long as possible to tell the rest of the world.

Well, a couple of weeks go by, and my wonderful...amazing...sweetness of a husband, being the awesome father he is, tells...facebook. 

"I was just too excited to hold it in any longer!", he tells me.

I was a little bit upset, because you never know,
 but figure whatevs and move on.

Well, about a week later it all goes to shit.

Pardon my french here, 
but I honestly don't know how else to say it.

I start having the majority of the symptoms of miscarriage, 

except for abdominal pain.
Which is exactly the opposite from last time.

So of course, I keep my hopes up, praying that everything else is just weird side effects from having another baby so close to my surgery.

We go in for an ultrasound a couple of days later 
and there it is.

Clear as day on the monitor.

Emptiness.

Nothing.

No baby.

I'm heartbroken.

I held it together in the office pretty well, 

but mentally I was downward spiraling fast.

Real fast.

The rest of November and all of December was a blur...

I did things.

Had fun.

"Merry Christmas!", blah blah blah.

But I had a really hard time coping with my thoughts and emotions when I was alone.

So I read books.

A lot of books.

And basically escaped my reality as much as possible. 

By this time, 
(after losing two babies) 
I am really jonesing for a baby.
(I know, that sounds weird, move along)

So by January 1st I make a decision.

I'm going to take 3 months, get super healthy, 
and then get pregnant again.

And hopefully this one sticks.

So I am doing paleo and crossfit super hard for about 3 1/2 weeks, 
and then it hits me.

Those same. damn. symptoms.

I'm pregnant.

And I know it. 
I take a pregnancy test out of habit, but I didn't need to.

It wasn't supposed to happen this fast!

I am convinced this is going to turn out badly.

This time I tell a couple of people and vow them all to silence.

I cannot go through this again.

Get pregnant, get my hopes up, tell everyone, 
miscarry, have to re-tell everyone.

Cannot.

So for 18 weeks I worry, and am anxious, and just cannot believe I'm still pregnant.

I just know it's going to end at any moment.

And at my 18 week appointment, I'm almost right.

I walk in like normal, check in like normal,
pee in the cup and weigh in like normal.

I even chat with the midwife and measure. like. normal.

Then she goes in with the doppler to hear the heartbeat.

waiting...waiting...waiting.

Static.

And right then and there I know.
This isn't good.
Don't lose it, don't lose it.

She leaves to get another doppler.
Nothing.

She tracks down a third doppler.
Still nothing.

By this time I can't hold it in anymore.
I'm crying.

She goes on to tell me we need to go to Dr. Bootstaylor's office for an ultrasound just to check on everything,
but "I'm sure it's fine."
Yeah...fine. Right.

But I don't feel like I need to know anything.
I'm sure it's not fine.
I feel like this is all just cruel and unusual punishment.
Am I being punk'd? 
Am I gonna get to meet Ashton?
Can I punch him in his manparts?
Seriously?!

In the hallway, I'm trying to rationalize,
but deep down I'm not confident at all.

Anjli, the midwife who attended Cora's birth,
meets me in the hallway and has clearly 
been briefed on what just happened.
She tells me to not worry until we 
have something to worry about.
Good advice.
I try to tell her I haven't had any symptoms of miscarriage.
She says that's a good sign, but sometimes it can take up to a month to see the signs this late in the pregnancy.
Ok. I appreciate the honesty. I welcome it even.

She offers to use the crappy ultrasound monitor they have in the office, but assures me that it could potentially also be wrong. She tells me that we can do that or wait for the ultrasound at Dr. Bootstaylor's office.

Again, I appreciate the honesty. She's not making any guarantees while still supporting me. 
Exactly what a mother needs. Or at least this mother did.

Now as a little backstory/side note...
My good friend Kellie had just shared this video, (Brene Brown at a Ted Talk Conference) with me a few days before and I loved it.
I had been contemplating how I could live life with more vulnerability, 
like she talks about,
 and all of a sudden it pops into my head.

We found out that the next available ultrasound appointment wasn't until 1:30pm...it was 11:15am. 

So I'm faced with a decision.
Do I take the crappy ultrasound and commit to, 
more than likely, feeling worse?...
or do I choose vulnerability?
Do I choose to just take what I have and be content with it.
I am worthy of a baby. 
Whether it's this baby or the next, I. am. worthy. 
Worrying about it for the next two hours 
isn't going to change that.
Or do I start that downward spiral? Again.

Luckily, I chose vulnerability.
I shaped up and walked out without the crappy ultrasound.

We went to lunch, like normal.
I acted like normal.
And I didn't cry, like a normal person does on a normal day.
I even ate a normal, healthy lunch 
instead of taking my emotions out on food.
(which I often do, unfortunately)

Two hours pass by and we're in the waiting 
area of Dr. Bootstaylor's office.
I'm holding it together kind of and 
am pretty nervous at this point.

We get called back and I lay down,
telling myself over and over,
"It's going to look empty, just like last time.
Don't freak out."

And then there it was.

A baby.

I still held my breath at this point because even though I could see the baby, the ultrasound technician hadn't turned the sound on.
Then she flipped a switch and there it was.
A heart beat.

A healthy, living, thriving baby.

I burst into tears at this point and 
nearly scared the ultrasound tech to death.

She immediately apologized and said she didn't realize I was so worried! 
She said, "I would have turned the sound on right away!"

So much for being calm, cool and collected!

So then she asks if we want to find out the gender of this amazingly alive child and of course I do!

After a bit of searching we come to find out that this baby is 
A C T I V E.

Which would explain why the doppler wasn't picking up the heartbeat. The baby was moving so much that it was literally too hard to catch him.

This makes a me little worried for toddler years, but hey, too much movement is always better than none at all! 

To no surprise at all we find out it's a boy!

We expected this all along, but it's still fun to find out right?

Next we meet with the man himself, Dr. Bootstaylor.
He congratulates us, assures me there is nothing wrong and that his high level of activity was the only problem with finding the heartbeat.

We have a nice chat about babies and vbacs and how we still have nothing to worry about and then he sends us on our way.

Then...we have junk food to celebrate :)

It was a reward for not stuffing my face when I was sad.
That's legit right?

Anyway, later that week we finally decide to tell the rest of the world...


Now I'm not gonna lie, put on a happy face and say I haven't worried ever again since that day.
I worry all the time.
I think that's just what happens after you miscarry.
It's not all-consuming, but it's there.
I'm definitely more cautious this go round and often think about 
"worst case scenario's".
I will not be satisfied until he's healthy, in my arms, 
all ten fingers and toes accounted for.

And I don't think that's a bad thing.
I think things for me could emotionally and mentally be a lot worse. 
So I'm gonna take this one as a win.

I'm also not going to say this has been easy physically.
Boy oh boy, has this been rough.

My body went through a lot and since my body was still trying to literally make more blood when I got pregnant I have had a lot of issues....

No energy. 
(more than normal pregnancy no energy)
Headaches from increased blood flow.
Vitamin D problems. 
(which may or may not be from the surgery, who knows)

But I'm taking it day by day and eagerly await the arrival of 
a healthy baby boy.

Mack Aaron Lutz,
I love you.
I grow to love you more everyday.
And I can't wait to keep loving you 
everyday for the rest of my life. 


-------

Phew! Now that I got all that off my chest...I will now return you to my regularly scheduled blogging. :)

Workouts and recipes and motherhood and music...
I'll still throw in some "nitty gritty" keepin' it real stuff like this, but I think we've had enough for the past few days, dontchathink? 


xoxo,
Heather

tasty tuesday's: Ribs & BBQ sauce

I Instagram'ed (Instagrammed?) a couple of pictures from our dinner on Monday night and I'm here to share those recipes with you!

This recipe for ribs is stupid easy.

Like it's so easy I almost feel silly for calling this a recipe.

And giving it its own post.

But what the heck...we'll do it anyway!

Slow Cooker Dry Rub Spare Ribs

What you need:

a crock pot :)

4lbs (give or take) of spare rib meat, I used pork

1 teaspoon garlic powder

1 teaspoon chili powder

1 teaspoon all season salt (or salt you have on hand)

and hold on to your hats folks...

1 1/2 teaspoons of cinnamon

I've also used nutmeg or cocoa powder instead of cinnamon.

All options are delicious.

One of them is required. 

Just trust me...

It gives the meat a really smoky flavor without being spicy or too sweet. 

I dunno. Magic happens in the pot, just go with it. 

What you do:

Combine all of your seasonings in a small container and shake it up so it's homogenous.

That's right, I know fancy words.

Rub this seasoning mixture all over your ribs by hand 

and place them in the crock pot.

Cook on LOW heat for 8 hours.

Do NOT add liquid.

Do NOT shorten the time.

Do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars.

Seriously though y'all.

The bones and juice create just enough moisture you will have goop on your hands if you add any in.

And the flavors really need a lot of time to "marry" if you will and it just isn't as good if you try to cram it into four hours.

I'm just sayin'.

Straight out of the crock pot, already falling off the bones.

How ribs are supposed to be!

Now to accompany your delicious ribs...

Katy, over at Honestly Delicious 

created this fantastic sauce.

Paleo Carolina Gold BBQ Sauce

I. DIE.

I had never had Gold BBQ sauce before,

I've always used your traditional tomato based, red BBQ sauce, 

but holy amazeballs this gold stuff is goooood.

Oh why yes that is a chunk of bacon at the bottom there.

You can thank Katy for that bacon-y goodness. 

Head on over to her blog for the recipe.

And check back soon for part two of my crazy year!

xoxo,

Heather